December 15th, 1977
|emmyvance||12:45 am - Owl Post!|
I do hope you're being constantly vigilant in London without me. In the spirit of the aforementioned vigilance, did I leave a skirt at your flat? It's my favourite skirt. I think it's your favourite skirt too, actually. If it's there, can you owl it to me? I have to meet some acquaintances of Podmore with regards to that thing and, apparently, the more leg I show, the better.
Wales is cold and damp and lonely. I wish you could be here too but after what Moody said about us in front of everyone when we got back from Strasbourg, it probably wouldn't be a good idea. I should be back in a couple of days though. Have the firewhiskey ready. I think I'll need it.
I miss you,
I've seen the skirt, but you can't have it. It is my favorite skirt and I can't bear to part with it. There's some gay romping I need to do about my flat and it just matches my eye colour. Anyway, I don't think I want you wearing anything but a parka around one of Podmore's contacts. Podmore's not there too, is he??
Moody's been sending me regular memos about appropriate interoffice relationships. By memos I mean red pieces of paper that scream loudly enough for everyone on the floor to hear. I didn't open the last one and it singed a few arm hairs and pretty much burned off all the skin they were covering. It's starting to look better now, though.
Don't leave me because I'm a cripple, Vance!!
Oh so very lonely,
No, Podmore's not here. Why? Are you jealous? You don't need to be jealous. You're the only skirt for me.
What constitutes appropriate interoffice relationships, do you think? Holding hands? Or is that a little risqué?
I'm not jealous! Why would I be jealous, Vance? You can play with whomever you like. Honest. Please don't.
He outlined that one pretty clearly in memo three. Ask anyone. In fact, I'm sure they'll tell you. In vivid detail! The bottom line was that there should be three metres of space between us at all times, at work or no. Vance, I'm afraid I've some growing to do.
The Perpetually Put Upon,
Benjamin Ivanhoe Fenwick
P.S. TELL ANYONW AND YOU'RE DEAD.
I'm not going to play with anyone. I'm too exhausted. After the fiasco in Newcastle, I really don't want to mess up my first solo assignment.
How much growing did you have in mind? I thought you were already pretty nicely proportioned.
The Incredibly Amused,
P.S. What's it worth to you, darling?
All the better. Not that I care. Except I know that you'll just be disappointed with someone else.
How very nice of you to say so. I think we'll just have to go with the tried and true method of ignoring everything Moody says.
The Not Smirking At All,
P.S. I will give you my everything and my all and my FUCK IT. I'll tell people your middle name.
Benjy the Insufferable,
You are so full of yourself, aren't you?
And, as long as we're constantly vigilant, surely he can't complain, right?
P.S. You do and I'm not putting out on Saturday.
Emmy the Flexible,
I thought you were full of me.
Wait, this is getting too sordid even for me. What if Moody is intercepting these and using them for some nefarious purpose?
P.S. I say we have a truce and you don't have that kind of self-control.
You have made a surprisingly vigilant point.
See you on Saturday,